By Herman Moyo
The word itself rolls off the tongue so beautifully and gives the bestower a sense of moral superiority and magnanimity.
Especially when announced at a very public forum.
Yet following through with its premise is altogether a different proposition because of necessity it must be action oriented.
It must, like the proverbial phoenix rise out of the ashes of negativity to soar above untainted by thoughts of evening the odds and the desire for revenge
And the ego doesn’t help either as it feels threatened. All the years cultivating an image of bravura only to be dashed down into so much rubble like the statue of Nebuchadnezzar. No ways
Often times those who go around proclaiming and dispensing ‘forgiveness’ are in greater need of that grace much more than those they dole it out to.
While forgiveness is not about compromising, it’s an acknowledgment that differing points of view are not necessarily a declaration of enmity.
It is a coming to terms with perceived wrongs done unto you without resorting to the crutch of anger, without punishing yourself for somebody else’s b.s. It’s about finding peace. True forgiveness that is.
But unfortunately people who are so gung ho about shelling it out rarely ask for it. They’re ever ready to dish it out but can’t take it.
Regrettably they’re apprehending of the situation is topsy turvy : it takes a strong character to ask for forgiveness and not the other way around.
People hurt people, that’s the human condition. That’s just the way it is and it’s also true that going around lugging a load of grudges is detrimental to good health both physically and mentally
And purely for that reason we need forgiveness, not as a prop or spectacle but in its genuine healing and restorative quality. Put another way, genuine forgiveness ushers in closure.
Many a time genuine forgiveness is forged in the dark night of the soul and not amid pomp and fanfare and approving cheerleaders.
The purification thereof may trigger inordinate emotional anguish, a plethora of issues to process. A Pandora’s box.
Yet needs must.
The allure for revenge when we feel hard done by by trusted friends and family members can be difficult to resist even when we know it can only lead to more heartache and pain.
In most cases there’s the mental blind spot or minimization of our role in causing the fallout so much so we demand blind support from friends and family and when that’s not forthcoming, the ego takes it personally causing us to suffer terribly.
Someone once said asking for forgiveness or saying you’re sorry is like having your tooth pulled out without the use of an anesthetic
Be that as it may, it’s the ego rearing up its ugly head, strengthening its self by majoring the minor in the wider scheme of things, by digging in to say handindzvaro / kangenziwa njalo at the expense of the peace that surpasseth all understanding.
Herman Moyo can be contacted on +263 73 251 5155