DEATH IN THE NAME OF LOVE… SURGE IN GBV

The surge in intimate partner violence currently being experienced in Manicaland has left communities and families with deep scars, and questions on how to tame crimes of passion, and protect children who ultimately fall victims

According to recent trends, there has been a sharp rise in crimes of passion, including disturbing cases of murder among married couples.

Crime of passion refers to violent crimes or homicide committed without much premeditated motivation among couples.

In a recent gruesome case, a Nyanga man, Joseph Upenyu Mandibaya, allegedly murdered his lover of years, Privilege Garufu, after discovering that she was cheating on him with a man she had falsely introduced to him as her uncle.

After killing Garufu by striking her with an adze, Mandibaya went on to commit suicide.

This left relatives, neighbours and the community asking why people can go to such an extent in the name of love.

Only last week, a Rusape woman, Netsai Matsikira, allegedly fatally assaulted her now deceased husband, Charles Chikukwa, following an altercation.

A drunk Chikukwa accused Matsikira of dating another man.

There are several cases of such nature that have left people with more questions than answers on why couples resort to the use of physical violence when confronted with difficult situations in their unions.

As couples injure or kill one another, they leave a huge burden to their young children as they will be left without parental care and guidance as one will either be dead or in prison.

Marriage counsellor, and One Church Zimbabwe founder, Reverend Kennedy Makwenda said from his experience with married couples who end up physically confronting each, the root cause is unfaithfulness, which most people, especially men cannot handle.

He said some couples are entering marriages and relationships without being fully aware of what they may encounter and end up using violence to revenge.

“Marriage is one institution that is very vulnerable due to unfaithfulness. When partners discover that their loved ones have failed them, half of the time they do not know how to deal with it, and emotions of disappointment and anger overwhelm them, and before they know it, they react with volcanic emotions with the intention to revenge physically.

“While we could not have control over how people feel or will feel and react when the unexpected happens, I believe people can still manage the situation and avoid violent confrontation.

“There is great need to prepare young couples for marriage before they tie the knot. Most couples enter into marriage blind of the realities they may face in their life-time commitment.

“Couples should be fully prepared for marriages before they commit themselves. If a couple is prepared enough, emotions are managed and shock is controlled. Prepared couples will know how to react and act without committing any crime,” he said.

Reverend Makwenda further said that when a partner discovers that his/her better half is unfaithful, they should not take matters into their own hands, but share with their peers.

He said during the sharing stage, one will be surprised, but also comforted in the process because there will be a lot of friends and relatives, who would have gone through similar circumstances and were strong enough to allow them to pass without harming anyone.

“We all need others for guidance and mature decision making. Mentors play a massive role in sharing and moulding the character and personalities of those under their guidance. Mentorship helps to make informed decisions.

“Most people live in their islands so separated from society even though they have many people around them.

“In peer group meetings, people discuss and share their experiences with their peers, and most of the time, the experiences are similar to many individuals. People have a chance a to learn from their peers, helping them manage their feelings,” said Reverend Makwenda.

Men’s Ego Safe Haven executive director, Ms Berita Saranji said most people who resort to the use of violence in marriages are those who do not share with others.

She said this is very prevalent in some men who view sharing marriage related problems as a sign of weakness.

“Most men chose to suffer silently, but as they bottle up pain, they end up using violence which may lead to murder or suicide. Men rarely want to share especially on issues that they feel demean their social and cultural standing such as having their spouses cheating.

“There is need to encourage men to open up amongst themselves so that whenever they face provoking encounters, they do not turn violent. Violence is not a solution. It actually brings more trouble. Intimate partner violence can be fuelled by factors such as power and control dynamics, jealousy or possessiveness, trauma and substance abuse.

“There is need to promote healthy relationship education, and encouraging open communication and empathy among couples. The provision of premarital counselling seems to be lacking these days as witnessed by the number of cases involving young couples,” she explained. *_-Manica Post_*