Impact of parental conflict and divorce on children

This week, I’m prompted to think about children and how important it is to create the best environment for their healthy growth, because here is the thing: whether we like it or not, children must not be ignored in the euphoria of romance and marriage, nor the conflict that sometimes rocks relationships.

Whether married or not, as parents, we want the best for our children. It is our responsibility to provide them with a loving, stable and nurturing environment that allows them to grow and thrive.

However, when parental conflict or divorce enters the picture, the consequences can be far-reaching and devastating. Before you make your decision, just hear me out on the impact of parental conflict and divorce on children. I hope that together we can explore insights from experts in the field and make more informed choices about our relationships.

The emotional toll on children

We have discussed before in this column how children are like sponges, absorbing everything that happens around them. When parents conflict, children can feel the tension and stress, even if they are not directly involved.

Sue Birdseye, author of “When Happily Ever After Shatters,” shares in her book how, with five children in tow, she suddenly found herself having to grapple with adultery by her spouse, divorce, and single motherhood. Thankfully for her, through her steadfast faith, God showed up in ways that helped turn her pain into a ministry that helps many people who go through similar turmoil.

Faith communities hold the unique power to transform homes fractured by conflict into arenas of grace. For instance, pastoral counselling can address painful emotions and teach forgiveness as a practical discipline. Family prayer nights and workshops for separated parents cultivate spaces where honesty meets prayerful support instead of stigma. Peer support groups tailored for children of divorce invite young hearts into circles of empathy, reminding them they are neither alone nor defined by their parents’ failures.

In these communal webs of care, every broken thread can be woven back into a tapestry of redemption, hope, and renewal.

No child should shoulder the burden of broken promises alone. In this column, which promotes communities devoted to honour, hope and healing, we must wrap these families in compassion and guide them toward respect-filled relationships, intentional prayer, and Christ-centred reconnection.

One way to do this is to share this column with others, start conversations in your small group, and consider mentoring a child who bears this silent wound.

More often than not, children are just not equipped to deal with the emotional impact of divorce. They are left to deal with a world turned upside down by adults, without the guidance or support of the same adults who started it.

The impact of parental conflict and divorce can last well into adulthood, affecting a child’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. As Dr John Gottman, renowned relationship researcher, shows that when parents exhibit hostile or negative conflict styles, children tend to show negative behaviours like aggression or hyperactivity, while parents who practice ‘emotion coaching’ — validating and guiding their child’s emotions — have children with less stress and better focus, even amidst conflict, which is where co-parenting is vital.

Co-parenting is not just about sharing custody; as experts will show, but it is about sharing the responsibility of raising happy, healthy, and well-adjusted children. By prioritising co-parenting, parents can help mitigate the negative effects of divorce and provide a more stable environment for their children. Way too many feuding partners forget that children did not ask for the outcome they find themselves in.

Power of love and support

The impact of parental conflict and divorce can be significant yet not impossible to overcome. With love, support, and guidance, and in time, children can learn to accept reality, navigate challenges, and develop resilience. As parents, it is essential to prioritise our children’s emotional well-being and provide them with the support they need to thrive.

A call to action for parents in conflict

As you go through your challenges as adults, facing tough decisions in the complexities of relationships and marriage, remember that children may not understand outright and it is vital not to neglect their well-being.

By working together, communicating effectively, and working out ways of peaceful co-parenting, parents can help minimise the negative effects of conflict and divorce. If you are going through a difficult time, remember that you are not alone. Seek support from loved ones, professionals, or support groups.

In the meantime, thank you so much to those who have been reaching out to share their input and views on topics we cover or to just express how the topics are impacting their relationships or marriages. It fuels my passion. Keep those coming! You never know who needs the insights you have. Herald