I despise my mother-in-law

Mai Rebecca Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 26 and I am a mother of a two-year-old daughter. My husband is 35 and he was married before. He has two sons from his previous union.

I will forever regret marrying a divorcee. I am constantly compared to his ex-wife by most of his family members and even my hubby does that at times. I hear from the grapevine that their marriage was rocky but now some people want to give me the impression that it was rosy.

My mother-in-law is a troublemaker. She is constantly in touch with my husband’s former wife. However, I am told they were sworn enemies before. We stay with my stepchildren during the school holidays but my mother-in-law prefers to go and see the kids during the term so that she can stay for a day or two at this woman’s apartment. I no longer trust her and she has fallen out of favour with me.

She still accepts gifts and provisions from this woman. My husband does not see things the way I do; he thinks what is going on is normal. I already feel like opting out, and my parents are equally upset. Amai, please help.

 

Response

I am fine. Thank you very much for reaching out to me. I would have greatly appreciated a longer backstory that gives details about how you get on with your spouse.

Are you, as a couple, in good books? I agree it is not fair for anyone to compare you to his ex-wife. You are different and that should be respected. I think most of the problems emanate from your husband’s lack of focus. His first marriage is dead and buried.

His only prized possessions from it are the children.

He and his people should let the ex-wife move on and be independent. He is the father of these two children, so he should tell his mother not to cause problems by preferring to go and see the kids when they are at their biological mother’s place.

If she wants to befriend his former wife, she should not use the kids as justification. You have a child together, who is equally important. I suggest you have a candid talk with your hubby and tell him how this is affecting you. You both need to go for professional counselling. Opting out should not be an option if things can be resolved.

Furthermore, most problems are coming from outside your marriage. This should alert you on what to focus on. I would be happy to hear from you again.